I give up!
I'm just to tired to try anymore!
I’m tired and just plain exhausted.
I’ve been told my whole life that I wasn’t loved by anyone that I didn’t deserve it and wasn’t worthy of it and now, I may have the most proof I’ve ever had.

My mom is schizophrenic and as a child she used to beat me. Or really her alternate personality did. And all through childhood she would beat me and tell me nobody loved me and I could never be loved.

I always strived to prove her wrong but never seemed to be able to.

Then I met savannah. She was my best friend and we were almost like lovers. We did almost everything together and she really seemed to love me. I felt proud. I had finally proved my mom wrong.

you know, now that i think about it, I've told her I love her all the time but I don't think she ever seriously said it back...

Recently savannah started ignoring me.
Just stopped talking to me.
And it broke my heart.

I actually had to have another friend ask why for me.

And I still don’t know why.

And I cant help but think that this proved my mom right.

I’m unlovable.

And I’m far to tired to try to prove it wrong.
I hurt all over. I’m braking and broken.
I feel like I’m dying.

And even back when my mom beat me…

I’ve never cried so long and hard.

I just want to lay down, go to sleep and never wake up.

I feel defeated and trying just isn't worth it anymore.

Fuck it!